Thanks, Philip. I bloody love Malaysia too, and still spend about four weeks a year in Miss Hodd's home town of Penang. I'm always gobsmacked when visa runners whinge about it. When I see them so down on Chulia Street, I just wanna force them at gunpoint around all that Malaysia has to offer. When life throws you lemons, some teachers really go out and make sandwiches.

Anyway, yes I worked in KL three times. First a year as an expat engineer seconded to Malaysia Airlines (I do the same job now, in Derby!). Then, as a kiddies teacher with a school no longer with us. And last, a year with International House. IH teaches mainly Chinese or Middle Eastern students studying at Malaysian universities. I enjoyed teaching there, and think the students were receptive to that. This was partly down to my Malaysian lifestyle, because the school was going downhill fast. My other school was a typical Malaysia EFL outfit, geared towards kids. Kids are a huge market, especially Malaysian Chinese who, because of the ethnic quota system, have to be a damn sight better than Malays at just about everything.

If you can survive in Thailand, you can in Malaysia. With the British Council (about RM6000) or an International School, you'll be laughing. IH (RM3500 + acc) would be OK for a year. As I said, I had a fantastic time there. Most universities have some farang (mat salleh) teachers, but they pay the same as IH. Then there's ELS (RM2800, crap money and woeful conditions), Berlitz (still in its infancy) and Erican which pays hilarious wages (about RM1200 a month). CfBT Malaysia (RM4500) are recruiting right now. That's not a lot of schools to piss off.

A mate at IH had a Malaysian wife and kid. IH owed him money for expenses, it really was peanuts. But it never came, and he walked out. He soon learned other teaching jobs in KL were non-existent, and ended up at ELS doing more for less. Next his marriage broke down. Now he's stuck in KL at that crap school. It's a sad tale.

Worldwide, the British Council Malaysia has a reputation for low pay. I'm not convinced. It pays higher than the Bangkok centres, and a bucket load more than any other Malaysia EFL school. Admittedly, the spiralling exchange rate is a problem, but some teachers spend a third of their salary on unbelievable condos. With more common sense, they could have superb lifestyles.

I did private work with Universiti Malaya postgraduates, which I found by placing ads in the paper. It paid well, but I was also inundated with calls from people interested but not prepared to pay RM40-50 an hour. There are chances to boost your income, but not by much.

Beer monsters need not apply. On IH money, two or three daily hawker stall beers would take 25% of your monthly spend. I still remember the credit card bills from my KL expat gig, scary.

I'm struggling to think of anything else with a price difference. Food, accommodation, public transport, etc, are similar to Bangkok. It's expensive to fly long-haul to Malaysia, and I normally fly into Bangkok.That would add to costs I guess. Taxi drivers in KL, more so in Penang, are tossers. A lot of taxi rides will soon leave you skint. You're spoilt by Bangkok taxis, you really are.

Apart from the naughty nightlife, it depends 100% where you went. I speak passable Malay and admit to being a bit of a culture anorak with batik painting, kite-making and things only found on the eastern coast. But once it gets dark, I'm outta there. That islamic part of Malaysia is a different country to the one I know. As much as I empathise with visa runners slating Kota Bahru, those CfBT jobs you see are in places that make it look like Rio.

They are two very different countries. At first glance, Malaysia's not exactly the land of smiles. Malays are too shy to talk to you. The Chinese shout at you. The Indians just blatantly stare at you. Unless you head northeast, you won't notice Islam, even during Ramadam. You might find out at 5am that you're near a mosque, but that's it. Not wishing to harp on about booze, but it's available everywhere in Thailand. At 3am in Nakhom Nomates, there's beer. At least, there was.

Outside Malaysian cities, alcohol's there, but it's hard to find.

An ex-Thailand teacher now with the BC Penang says many teachers arrive there from big cities abroad only to leave within months. To be honest, even I found Malaysia slow after long periods in Bangkok. KL's tiny in comparison. Early in my last KL stint, I remember wondering if a passing train was off to Hat Yai. That takes a few days to wear off, and then it happens in reverse next time you're in Bangkok.

Bit harsh! Anyway, it's a moot point as I've burnt my CELTA to go back to engineering. Saying that, try dusting off those "for enthusiasts only" Classroom section threads, the ones about fricative diphthongs, etc. I was there.

Apparently, I was a good teacher, of adults anyway. I did it for over five years, knowing it would turn crap one day. It did. I mean, how can you teach the vegetables out of Headway more than twice without yawning to death? Luckily, I had another job to fall back on. It sounds like bollocks, but teaching does give you transferable skills. Last month, we had a meeting with a Japanese customer. Only I could understand him, and he only understood me. But there are other things like communication and presentation skills which are honed every lesson. And just this week, someone important asked me where an apostrophe went! I'm not overdoing it when I say teaching's hard work. Experienced teachers remembering that students deserve good service should get recognition.They don't.

I'm soon to be posted abroad, might even do some part-time teaching. Seriously, teaching a few hours when you don't really need to would be a great way to meet people. I just know, though, that the vegetables will be back. Read all about it in The Classroom.

A few half-hearted attempts. In an Asian BC, you'll have kids crawling out your ears. You've got to really love teaching the little wotsits, or at least pretend you do during the interview.

The BC is a network, frowning on teachers who stagnate in any one country. Contracts are normally two years, but can be extended up to four. Then, you must move on. It may well not be to your first choice either. I knew a manager whose choices were Germany first, then Slovenia, Poland and, last but very least, Morocco. Ha ha, guess where he ended up? The world was his car park. What he knew about countries he'd worked in, you could write on a postage stamp. But all's not lost if you want to settle. After four years is up, you can go on a local contract, but this means a hefty cut in benefits. Or, put another way, Johnny-come-lately at the next desk will be getting flights, housing allowance, and, oh yes, twice as much as you.

One year, eight days and a few minutes I think. I remember turning up for my last lesson with suitcase and passport. Next.

A couple of weeks in Tangiers? Why? Actually, I loved Tangiers. Every month or so, it was my gateway out of that shit-hole country, and then over the Gibraltar Strait for a weekend of senoritas and normality. Morocco was a big mistake, a wasted year. I went because it was good money, and a mate there said it was OK. Morocco is the exact inverse of Thailand: The land of no laughs whatsoever, but with that food it's hardly surprising. White females who can ignore the hassles will love it. How can I put this, some Moroccan men are very good-looking. Many an attractive western woman there will never look at a white man again. Sound familiar?

Am I whinging or what? OK, the Moroccans I worked with were second to none. These guys were paid peanuts, but did all a teacher could wish for. What's more, they were mates, inviting you round for beers and to places where westerners wouldn't dream of going. Granted, they were off for a night of hash and whoring, but the point is they invited you, a stranger, into their world. Does that happen in Thailand or Malaysia?

If you come across a BC teacher with any "airs", drop them. Centres in places like Japan tend to have higher standards, but the selection process is pretty standard. I had a phone interview with two people who were obviously reading questions off a sheet. They asked about flexibility, customer focus skills, and other vital stuff, but not a sausage about teaching. They sort of assume anyone getting to the interview stage can teach.

I never met a BC colleague who was hopeless, but some were better than others. I was a crap kids teacher for one. The BC, however, do provide excellent support. You had the confidence to go to the senior teacher and shout, "I can't teach that bunch of c***s!", and they would offer real help. If run-of-the-mill complaints or discipline problems arose, management always took the teacher's side. This surely allows teachers to develop, free from worrying about an inept DOS. I'd guess that if you lined up twenty good private school teachers, and asked the best and worst five to leave the room, the remainder would be of BC standard.

It's unusual to meet anyone at the BC who's "just" a teacher. Everyone has other jobs. I was the ICT Co-ordinator, which could have taken a massive chunk of my time if I'd let it. But I still had my twenty odd hours in the classroom, and not one student knew, or cared, that I had this other role. Although we had observations (excellent they were too) and teacher training seminars, etc, my appraisals and objectives were packed with ICT stuff, with perhaps the odd teaching one-liner in the appendix on page 11. What did it for me was an inexperienced colleague who ended up spending so much time on her fringe job, that her teaching standards plummeted. Quite rightly, complaints poured in. One could argue it makes the job more interesting, but the BC must address the fact that bullshit jobs get more recognition than good teaching.

Definitely. Although I'm glad to be free of teaching, I envy people like you who've settled there. Maybe living in Malaysia helped, but I warmed to Bangkok in no time. I knew I'd never be at one with the locals, but in eighteen months there, I spent a lot of time learning the language, travelled loads and got quite into Lukthung music too.

I can understand why some dislike Malaysia, and many expats do, but not so Thailand. Everything you want is available there. You can choose to be a total westerner or immerse yourself in all things Thai, or somewhere in-between.

I was their first 'in-houser', so the job description was vague. Everything had to be done from scratch. Placement testing and teaching about fifteen hours a week was first up. Editing was never my job, but I was happy to help anyone who asked. I also did so many CVs and job applications that I should've charged. Then I had to test people and write progress reports, the usual. Sometimes I interviewed job applicants to test their English. This was a right laugh. Their English was fine, but the stories they came out with needed some work. For example:

"What do you do at weekends?"

"I play golf."

"Really? I play golf too. Where do you play?"

"Ah, I don't know."

I was supposed to arrange a website and extracurricular activities, but to be honest I couldn't see the benefit. If I did, maybe I'd have done better there.

I got the boot.

The testing was a success. The classes were well-matched, and not one student asked to be moved up or down. British Council take note. People worked long hours at Maersk, so I reasoned that classes should be in the morning. No chance. They were all late afternoon or lunchtime. The Thais felt under huge pressure from the Danes, and finishing jobs came light years before English classes. This is where I, as a farang, should've thrashed it out with the big Danish boss, but I never did. Students missed classes or rolled in ridiculously late. Many visited me to complain about the latecomers. Why didn't they bloody tell each other?

The next stage was funny. Maersk's antiquated e-mail system meant I shared an account with the HR Manager. One student told her Danish boss that I never corrected her enough. I read all this on the HR man's e-mail. The fact I let free practice activities run to develop fluency, and give feedback at the end didn't matter. The teacher had a complaint.

My days were numbered.

There's always two sides. I had the appearance and confidence to be taken on, but lacked the experience of teaching and Thailand to do the business. But I remember a HR student survey. It was shite. A quarter of students refused to even fill it in saying it wasn't fair to me. I was amazed and touched by the balls they showed. When I was fired, a lot of them said it was sad. Sceptics may scoff, but they'd come to me to say all this. Looking back five years, it was bloody sad I gotta say. I honestly couldn't fault any Maersk student. Ninety-eight percent really wanted to learn English. A combination of inexperience on both sides meant it would always end in tears.

I was their first in-houser back in 2001-2. Since then, it sounds like a whole army of ajarns have marched through, and left. Maersk International run a fast-track graduate scheme with extremely high standards. The few Thais selected will work around the globe in important positions. These are some well-motivated smart cookies and see learning English as paramount. What must they think of Maersk's now-you-see-him teacher policy? Meanwhile, others must be having a right laugh.

Any future teacher(s) will have to be something special to gain any respect there. Before I came along, Maersk used outside schools. Maybe they should just do so again. Don't forget, Maersk isn't a Thai company. There are about six Danes in the Bangkok office. When they say jump, the Thais jump. It was them who started this in-house lark, and they do take it seriously. Maersk's HR office are a bunch of kids and yes-men. Any advice to them will fall on deaf ears. Now, if you bumped into a Danish Maersk guy in Bangkok, then the usual common sense advice about employing a teacher with experience might go a long way.

It sure is. I got my own office and computer and B55,000 for an easy schedule. I met with other Bangkok in-housers who'd been two years in the job, and whilst it proved stressful at times, they seemed happy. It could be an amazing job, or it might degenerate into the biggest pile of pants, leading to burnout within weeks. I'd advise anyone to think it through. At the very least, you should be an excellent and experienced teacher. You'll have to be a proactive diplomat too, negotiating with people who'll understand little about your job. A tall order perhaps, but without those skills, you'll likely end up like me - out on your ear.

But, once bitten...In my last days at Maersk, I was in Pathumthani to see a Dutch aerospace company. The Dutch boss was a super guy, and with my background was gagging to have me as a teacher. Then, I met the Thai HR manager. I just knew he'd be a pain in the arse, so that was that.

Is it worth applying for an in-house cushy? Faced with a B40,000 sound job or a slightly-dodgy B55,000, what would most people do? If I had to return to the EFL world again, it would be the job for me. And what about the future for those wanting to do other things? A multinational on your CV can only be a huge plus.

Finished.