Q1. Where did you move to and when?

I moved back home to London, Ontario last year.

Q2. How long did you work in Thailand?

I started working in 2012. I spent 5 years in Thailand. I *survived* for 5 years because some days I barely got through the day. I’m one of those guys who did it all such as being called at 4.00 am to teach for peanuts in the middle of nowhere. I had a boss who was stringing me along and an English manager who did everything he could to undermine me.

I tried meet-ups, church, Thai classes, cooking classes, you name it, and I met rotten foreigners. I tried upgrading myself studying in a Thai university where I was met (again) with hostile administration staff who tried to undermine me because of envy (I assume – it’s one of those things where if you do too good, you make the other person “lose face” so they try and undermine you).

I tried just about everything and all I did was survive.

I was too young to feel this jaded and bitter. I was too young to have health issues and be so down on life. Some days, I felt like I was 60, not 25 because of chronic fatigue combined with burn-out and depression.

I ended up spending my days in shopping malls and stuck in my condo and hibernating online. That’s why I say I survived for 5 years, because I put up with a lot of rotten stuff but I seldom experienced good things or had new good experiences or life-changing friendships.

Q3. What was your main reason for moving?

I got badly depressed. I started having health issues (depression and heart)

There were days where I was so anxious that I’d be lucky to get through the day, and then there were other days when I’d have very horrible panic attacks. My world got smaller and smaller, and I started isolating myself. I was too afraid to move and I felt trapped. I understand why foreigners find it difficult to leave Thailand. Look up “learned helplessness”

A) Deep and profound contempt for foreigners. This contempt is very subtle because you don’t experience it all at once. Thai people are gentle. Thai people are tolerant. But I never felt Thai people were that kind. Thai people are not that helpful when it comes to important things. (People get confused about this)

B) This gentleness combined with covert aggression makes it very hard to see what’s going on. Nobody yells or screams at you. Eventually, you realize that you have been undermined at work, that you have been blocked in accomplishing things and that others would rather spend 30 minutes pointing out why something can’t be done rather than looking for a way where it can be done even if this is a win-win situation.

C) Other foreigners being incredibly judgmental and undermining other foreigners. I was genuinely surprised at how many times somebody negatively judged me in Thailand. None of these guys were top of the cream snobby expats who were here on assignment who’d look down at me. Most of these men were men who faced exactly the same issues as me. Instead of (God forbid) empathy, I felt OTHER foreigners got meaner and meaner and meaner towards each other.

All of this creates a vicious circle of foreigners hating on other foreigners. You end up meeting the same jerk whether he’s from Canada, India, Australia, New Zealand or the UK. Thais blocking and undermining foreigners. Foreigners having resentment towards Thai who block them or developing serious health issues for burying all of this contempt and anger inside (you learn how to censor yourself very quickly here).

Foreigners becoming jaded, depressed, and getting addicted to all sorts of things because they start isolating themselves (and rightfully so) from other foreigners. Men tip-toeing instead of being assertive (as if that was a crime) around those in power.

In the end, you can’t win by being too assertive (or “too confident” as my Thai friend puts it). You can’t win by giving up because you’re a loser. Catch-22.

The trick is that you have been conned into thinking you were in some sort of tropical paradise.

Q4. What are the advantages of working where you are now compared to Thailand?

I can actually have conversations with people who treat me like I’m a human being. Chances to try something new career-wise and actually have opportunities, living in an environment where it’s not a crime wanting to improve yourself. Empathy and compassion. Fair employers. Finding hope and purpose to live life again.

Q5. What do you miss about life in Thailand?

Thailand is a country to take a short vacation in during winter. Peace of mind on occasion. Going to the movies is cheap and can be a great experience. Eating out, as well

In everyday life, most Thai people are gentle and patient. They can be helpful (with very small day-to-day things like helping you get the door or giving you a nice smile or helping your when you drop something)

Thailand has very good selection of food in supermarkets. Thailand has good and reliable and fast internet. Private health-care and dentistry are great and affordable (IF you know exactly what you need) Oh and it's sunny.

Renting a condominium (with a lot of work and research) can be top class and affordable. Pool, gym, concierge, the view. Bangkok has an underground (MRT), skytrain (BTS), boat and buses

Taxis are affordable. Massage is affordable. Stores are open almost every day, and 24/7

Q6. Would you advise a new teacher to seek work in Thailand or where you are now?

Hell no. Thailand is a “no-can’t-do” land. People will spend 40 minutes explaining why something can’t be done. You’ll hear NO so often (it just won’t be said directly and fairly and in time) that you’ll become bitter. So much disappointment. So much contempt leads to self-loathing. You don't deserve this..

Expats living in Thailand are blocked professionally or personally while they support the local economy. The majority of foreigners living here fail and maybe a couple of percent succeed. Are those odds you’re willing to take?

If you are desperate and have no other options, alright.

Remember that even if you get a good job, other people (expats/foreigners) you’re going to meet here are going to be mean and judgmental. Why would you want to interact with people who keep putting you down?

Forget about making good friends. If you want to stay in your condo with your internet and air-conditioning nine out of twelve months and you think that is *life*? Then go right ahead.

Q7. Any plans to return to Thailand one day?

None.

Q8. Anything else you'd like to add?

It’s not you.

People will try to convince you that it’s your fault for not trying too hard, etc, etc but you never had a fair chance to begin with.

If you’re reading this, know that you’re not alone and that you can do and feel better than this. You don’t have to live like a rat in a box, hiding and surviving day by day. You CAN move to a better place where you will be treated better and where you’ll be healthier and more able to treat and support people better.

It’s not normal losing touch with your assertion and masculinity because assertion threatens other people.

It’s not normal going to the toilet (shopping mall) and having some dodgy gay guy follow you in and just hang around (I’m not a homophobe, I’m just a normal person who has boundaries)

It’s not normal renting an apartment and not getting your deposit back.

It’s not normal having your internet censored and then seeing prostitution wherever you go.

It’s not normal slowly getting sick from living in polluted cities like Bangkok. It’s not normal seeing that dirty river and smell of sewers. It’s not normal being miserable and sweaty 9 out of 12 months in a year.

It’s not normal having a partner own 51 percent of a house or a company by law.

It’s not normal seeing people so uptight and then acting holier than thou.

It’s not normal living in a shanty town.

It’s not normal having your deposit stolen after renting an apartment.

It’s not normal accepting “misteerrrrr, where you come from? what you do here? how long you stay here? as normal and satisfying human interaction.

It’s not normal (or logical) being held back by so many people wanting (both Thai and fellow expats) to keep you out like you were stealing their jobs (as if there was anything close to a fair opportunity in Thailand) when all foreigners do is boost Thai economy and get little in return.

It doesn’t make any sense that people who are so familiar with ‘saving face’ try and humiliate you when you attempt to follow visa rules, etc.

We’re discriminated against for just trying to get by.

Nobody is making it big over here. People survive and that’s about it. God knows that tons of young and naïve “digital nomads” are funding the economy by living in Chiang-Mai and just renting Thai condos, shopping for Thai food without any opportunities to grow personally or professionally.